My home away from home away from home

This is my desk. I love my desk. I love my office. It is my home away from home away from home.

I spend an inordinate amount of time sitting at my desk. Sometimes I stare out of my window, while other times I read and write papers about statistical methods or bureaucratic issues. I also highlight a lot of articles and books. That orange thing is my highlighter. The other orange thing is my coffee cup.

Coffee in Oregon is potent.

Classes are going well. I have 5 weeks until the end of the term, which stresses me out. There will be much more time spent at my desk, that's for sure... I'm thinking about buying a plant.

When I'm not sitting in class or at my desk, I'm normally spending time with other people in my program. I have grown quite fond of my cohort. We are a diverse bunch of kids hoping to impact the world. It's wonderful being around people with such high hopes for the future. Especially today, it's easy to get depressed.

I am currently working on developing my thesis topic: micro-loan financing in developing countries that are especially vulnerable to climate change (i.e. Bangladesh). I have a lot of research to do before I can pinpoint exactly where I'll focus, but through meetings with various faculty members on campus, I have made a lot of progress in a few short weeks.

I'm missing Ohio more than normal, lately. The smell of autumn and colder weather will always make me homesick. This is much different from my experience in China, however. I am not nearly as desperate for the days to pass by. I like it here. And I like my desk. A lot.

One week down....

We had a meeting on Wednesday with all of the first year and second year Master's students. The director of the program mentioned that the second year students have 36 weeks until graduation. That means that I have 88 weeks until graduation. It seems like a long time right now, but seeing how quickly this first week has flown by has made me very anxious about the next 88 weeks... or is it 87 now? Oh my...

My classes are going quite well. I'm taking a microeconomics course, a social research course, a public administration course, and a one credit intro course. Right now, everything seems doable, but I'm also working on setting up my Master's committee and narrowing down my thesis topic on top of these classes. I spent my Saturday guzzling coffee and reading... for 7 hours.

Outside of school, I'm having a lot of fun getting to know my cohort. We all have such diverse backgrounds and very different undergraduate degrees. The program at Oregon State is outstanding. I feel so lucky to be here.

Yesterday, we had a potluck in the park. Afterwards, a bunch of us went out for a few drinks. It was nice getting to know each other outside of the stresses of school, however every conversation somehow ended up back at our theses. As stressed as I have been, it's been nice to know that we're all in this together.

I'm hoping to find a good balance between school work and a social life. My senior year at Pitt was extremely difficult. I spread myself entirely too thin and ended up completely burnt out by graduation. I know how necessary it is to balance everything, so I'm going to make myself take breaks and walk away from my desk every once in a while. But, for right now, I'm going to focus on my public administration paper that's due on Wednesday.

Peanut butter and peach butter sandwiches.

This summer, before I left Ohio, my mom and I took on the arduous task of making and canning around 20 pints of peach butter. Peach butter is a lot like peach jam or jelly, but better. It is an old recipe handed down from my mother's mother's mother. The entire process takes an entire day, but you end up with the most beautiful golden-brown preserves on Earth when you're done.
I recently moved from Canton, Ohio to Corvallis Oregon to pursue graduate school. I didn't bring a lot of things with me... just a chair, some clothing, and my snowboard... and a jar of peach butter.

When I originally imagined myself driving across the country, I envisioned a trip much like that of Hunter S. Thompson or Jack Kerouac novels (minus the heavy drug use and fornication). I envisioned a solo trip fueled by Red Bull, coffee, and my iPod.
Then, I talked to my mom. I knew I needed and wanted a travel companion. I knew she wanted to go. I knew I would enjoy her company. I knew we would share a million new memories before I left her and moved across the country. So, my mom and I drove over 3,000 miles from Canton, Ohio to the Pacific Ocean. We had the best time. I love my mom.


Day 1: Canton, Ohio - Newton, Iowa
11.5 hours of driving.

This was bad. The last time I drove almost 12 hours, I ended up at the Atlantic Ocean. This time, we were in the middle of corn fields. I have never seen that much corn in all of my life. And I'm from Ohio. We stopped somewhere in Indiana and had a peanut butter and peach butter sandwich for lunch.


Note: If you ever plan on driving due west at sunset, wear the darkest sunglasses possible.


Day 2: Newton, Iowa - Chamberlain, South Dakota
8 hours of driving.

We decided to drive north out of Des Moines in order to see part of Minnesota. We had a peanut butter and peach butter sandwich in Blue Earth, MN for lunch. Chamberlain is an old western town situated on the Missouri River. I loved it.


Day 3: Chamberlain, South Dakota - Sheridan, Wyoming
8.5 hours of driving.

Due to the time change, we were wide awake at 7am. The sunrise in South Dakota was the most beautiful I have ever seen. We drove through the Badlands and Black Hills and had a peanut butter and peach butter sandwich at the Crazy Horse Monument.


Day 4: Sheridan, Wyoming - Idaho Falls, Idaho.
8 hours of driving.
YELLOWSTONE! Bison! It was so wonderful. We had a peanut butter and peach butter sandwich at Yellowstone Lake. Unfortunately, we didn't spend a lot of time in Yellowstone, but someday I hope to return. Idaho Falls was terrible.

Day 5: Idaho Falls - Burns, Oregon
This was, by far, the most boring day of travel. Idaho is boring. The eastern part of Oregon is boring. In order to break up the boredom, we stopped at a Subway for lunch.
It was the county fair in Burns the night we arrived. After dinner at the Meat Hook Restaurant, we saw all of the prize-winning farm animals. My favorite were the sheep.

Day 6: Burns, Oregon - Corvallis, Oregon.
5 hours of driving.
Our final leg of the trip was extremely exciting and overwhelming. I was having such an amazing time driving and discovering new places, but was extremely excited to arrive in my new city and settle down, too.
There is nothing much to look at until you arrive in Bend. The landscape changes dramatically from large, flat deserts to snow-covered mountains.
As you can tell from the map, I'm not too far (only 1 hour) from Newport. On Day 7, we took the drive out and stuck our feet in the Pacific. It was freezing, windy, and spitting rain. We had a peanut butter and peach butter sandwich for lunch at Beverly Beach.

I really like it here.

I have been in Corvallis, Oregon for about a week now. I really like it here.

It has been a difficult transition, but not as difficult as living in China. It's nice that people speak English in Oregon. It's nice that grocery stores have bread here. It's nice that I can pick up my cell phone and call my friends and family here. I made the mistake of comparing this move to my move to China. That was a dumb idea. They are nothing alike.
I live with a really awesome married couple and their two dogs, Jackson and Felicity. Last night was the first time I met other graduate students. Everyone is so interesting and interested in the world around them. It's refreshing to hear such passion.
Oddly enough, there are 3 other students from Ohio.

I am so excited about my future here.

Home.

My mom called me from the grocery store the day before I moved back to China.
"Do you need anything from the store?"
"Buckeyes," I responded. I wasn't looking forward to moving back here and knew I needed something that would remind me of home.

Buckeyes are chocolaty treats made in my hometown. They are delicious. My mom used to mail them to me when I was away in college. I'd hide them in my desk so that none of my room mates would find them. They were mine and mine only.

I have one buckeye left.

Originally, I ate one every Sunday while watching Ohio State replays on the internet. It was my way of feeling connected to home.

Then, as the weeks started to roll by, I started rationing them. I saved one for the OSU/Michigan game. I ate one after an especially rough day of teaching. I saved another for Thanksgiving.

I noticed my bag was getting quite light, so I decided to eat one every Thursday until I went home. And now, I have one left. It is going in my backpack. I will eat it at 30,000 feet tomorrow afternoon on my way home.

It is hard for me to believe that I'm going home tomorrow.
However, I am extremely sad to say goodbye to my friends. I have grown so amazingly close to these people. Tonight is the winter solstice. I will meet my friends at the local dumpling restaurant for one last meal together. After that, we will hold a Kongmin lantern, make a wish, and light it on fire. As it burns, it rises high into the sky - taking your dreams with it.
There are many things that I won't miss about China, but I will miss all of the amazing traditions. American traditions are boring.

If anything, living in China has taught me how to survive. I feel like I have grown up more in 11 months than I have in 25 years. I feel wise. And old. I also feel pretty invincible. I lived in a foreign country without any understanding of the language, customs, or practices and survived. I think that's pretty awesome.

Chinese Massage

It was somewhere between the excruciating ear pinching and nauseating stomach punches that I thought, "This'll make another good blog."

The only massage I've received before today was while vacationing with a former boyfriend's family. The masseuse repeatedly asked me to relax, but I was too freaked out that a person I had never met was going to rub hot oil all over my body in a dimly lit room with lite jazz playing in the background.

The massage parlor today was delightful. It was extremely clean, smelled of incense, and the waitstaff was quite attentive. We were able to book a private room with three beds and three masseurs.

They started by soaking our feet in an herbal medicine. After a light foot massage, we were asked to lay on our backs. I closed my eyes and tried to relax, but she was pinching my toes and digging her fingernails into the arch of my foot. I recoiled in pain, but her grip was too strong. She pulled me back into place and smiled at me.

For the next hour and a half, she punched me, dug her elbow into my muscles, and smacked me around. The masseurs are quite athletic here. She'd have me hold her arms while she stood on my butt and hoisted me into the air. At one point, I felt extreme pressure on my back. I looked up and she was walking up and down my back while grinning. The most relaxing part was the ear massage. I fell asleep for a moment, but was woken up by a loud crackling noise. She had shoved a hollow candle into my ear for a "cleaning" treatment called "ear mining."

After my ears were cleaned, we had a "cupping treatment."

A man came in, had us remove our shirts and lay on our stomachs. He then lit a large flame, placed the flame into small glass globes, and quickly stuck the globes onto our backs. The flame dies out, but it leaves a strong suction within the globe. Your skin is sucked offof your body by at least an inch. The pain is pretty rough at first, but endorphins quickly replace the pain with extreme elation. You sit there for a few minutes, trying not to move until the man returns and removes them. The removal process was excruciating.

HOME SOON!

Huangya Guang Great Wall

I'm not good at blogging. Interesting things have happened, but I have been lacking the energy and enthusiasm for writing lately. I have gotten into a wonderful routine - a delightful mix of teaching, lesson planning, grading, reading, and bike riding. Sitting down in front of my computer and writing a blog just hasn't seemed interesting or fun.

However, I had one of the rarest and most exciting adventures this past Saturday...

A few weeks ago, I decided that I wanted to go to a section of the Great Wall that is located to the north of Tianjin. While the Great Wall stretches over 5,000 miles across China, it is not a continuous wall. It has also been greatly refurbished over the past 20 years. The most famous sites outside of Beijing have been completely rebuilt. On my original 8-day vacation here, we traveled to a part of the Great Wall just outside of Beijing called the Juyung Pass. The views were breathtaking and are some of my favorite memories of China.

I mentioned my desire to travel to the Huangya Guang Great Wall to a few friends. Ultimately, Cathy (another foreign teacher), Maggie (Alex's girlfriend), and I decided to go together.

Our trip started very early. We met outside of Cathy's apartment building at 6am and took a taxi to the bus station. Bus stations in China are completely different than in the U.S. Our bus wouldn't leave until every seat on the bus was filled, so we waited for extra passengers while a man chain smoked cigarettes in front of us.

With the bus filled, we headed north. Randomly, our bus would stop at various street corners and drop off or pick up more passengers. Maggie mentioned that the trip may take a bit longer than normal because of construction, but I wasn't prepared for this trip by any means. We drove along unpaved roads for the vast majority of the trip. At one point, I looked outside and saw a semi truck that had fallen on its side with it's load spilled into a ravine. This construction that Maggie mentioned was not any form of refurbishment. These were the beginnings of paved roads reaching the countryside in China. The first of many, I'm sure.

After about five hours of driving, we reached the bus terminal. As I started exiting the bus, I saw a swarm of men standing in the doorway. I thought they were preparing to travel to the next location, but as their eyes met mine they began shouting and grabbing my arms. My first reaction was to grab my bag and clutch it to my chest, then I grabbed Cathy and Maggie. The men, noticing that I was a foreigner, started shouting things like "Hello!" "US and A!" "Baracka Obama!" These were the illegal taxi drivers I've heard so much about.

Maggie bartered with a younger driver. He agreed to drive us to the Great Wall and back for 30rmb a person. As we headed down the road, our driver looked at me and said,

"Michael Jackson! OKAY!" We listened to Beat It as we drove the rest of the way through the countryside.

We arrived at the Great Wall and I ate an apple for some last minute energy. The climb up this section of the wall was much different than Juyung Pass. Juyung had various outposts and level areas to walk across.

The entire length of the Huangya Guang section was vertical with only two outposts. Nevertheless, we hiked.

It was thrilling to be in nature yet again. The sound of birds chattering away made my heart sing. It has been months since I've seen natural environment.

Cathy and Maggie during our ascent.

About 3/4 of the way up the mountain, the wall changes.

It is no longer the nicely refurbished bricks. Instead, it changes to craggy boulders and rickety handrails. I was in heaven. It was a great feeling climbing up the original wall with rocks shifting under your feet and a slight misstep causing an assured 4th Chinese hospital visit.

At the top, Maggie told me about the Chinese version of Bigfoot. The Chinese believe that there is an entire race of half human/half monkey people that live in the forests and mountains. I stood quietly and hoped to find another set of eyes staring back at me in the forest.

The trip back to Tianjin was even more exciting than our morning excursion. We found a nice woman who owned a van and would drive us to the bus station for a simple fee. As we were nearing the bus station, she called her friend who drove the bus back and forth from Tianjin to Hebei. We were in luck! They were only 30 minutes away and would pick us up at the nearest abandoned gas station! After picking up a few hitchhikers, we found our bus home. This bus was in exponentially worse condition than the morning bus, but my exhaustion ignored this fact. I attempted to sleep as we drove through cornfields and around various livestock. At one point, while mid-air after a particularly large bump, I thought, "This'll make a good blog."

We picked up more random people on unmarked street corners. One man didn't have enough money to pay for his ticket, so our bus driver kindly stopped off at the nearest ATM and we waited for him to withdraw some extra money. We had the option of paying an extra 10rmb to take paved roads, but no one wanted to be bothered with spending any more money. So, we took the same road home. As the lights from Tianjin came into view, I grew sad that I would have to say goodbye to nature for another few weeks. It's hard living in a big city with no escape.

Scarlet and Gray

"Has this been bothering you for a long time?" Nghi asked.

"Yeah, why?" I said.

"Your head. You're gray." She said, with great concern.

We were talking about my future when my furrowed brow must have caused her eyes to catch a glimpse of my aging scalp.

I found my first gray hair when I was 22. I remember straightening my hair in my tiny bathroom on Fairmount St. when something glimmered in the mirror. I took a closer look, grabbed my tweezers, pulled, and taped it to a black piece of paper.

Proudly, I showed it to a friend in class that afternoon. "Check it out. I'm going gray. I blame Dr. Anderson."

We giggled at my new-found adult-ness and I remember thinking how cool it would feel to be a 20-something year old with gray hair.

This is a picture of my father holding me. I am one week old. My father is 32. You can see his gray hair starting to show around his temple and in his mustache.

Growing up, my friends always thought that my father was my grandpa. His hair turned white soon after I was born. He used to jokingly blame my brother and I for making him turn white, but in looking at family photographs, his entire family had white hair at remarkably young ages.

After my father passed away, I remember wanting someone to look at me and say "Oh, you have your father's ______!" I wanted a physical trait that undeniably connected me to him. I used to stare at pictures of my father and look at myself in the mirror hoping to see some sort of resemblance. However, I look exactly like my mother (which isn't a bad thing... my mother is quite beautiful).

This is a picture of my head taken about 20 minutes ago. Before moving here, I dyed my hair back to it's original color to prevent having to use Chinese hair dyes again and it has only illuminated my quickly graying head. I'm not really ashamed at the grays (even though I counted over 20 in 1 square inch). I'm weirdly proud of them. I feel like I finally have a physical trait that links me to my father... and I feel distinguished.

National Holiday

This past Friday, October 1st, was the National Holiday. The amount of holidays in China can really get confusing, but this one is much more important than the rest. The National Holiday celebrates the establishment of the Communist Party during the Cultural Revolution in 1949. It's their equivalent of the 4th of July... only with less "freedom."

It has been smoggier than normal here. This picture was taken outside of the Forbidden City in Beijing during the National Holiday festivities. It hadn't been raining, nor was it overcast that day.

I had been dealing with an annoying cold all week, but thought nothing of it until Friday morning. I woke up with a deep, vulgar, putrid cough.

As an asthmatic, there's nothing scarier than the addition of a sickness to exacerbate your already deficient breathing.

Alex met me outside of my apartment building and we took a taxi to the hospital. Our good friend, Tom (a Tianjin local), met us there. Alex's Chinese skills are exceptionally better than mine, but when it comes to medical lingo, we were both at a complete loss. Tom is a great friend of both of ours and is always willing to help. He arrived at the hospital with dark circles under his eyes.

"What did you do all night?" Alex asked.

"I just bought a playstation. I played Resident Evil all night. I killed zombies until 5am" Tom said.

Upon entering, I was amazed at the massive amount of people waiting inside the lobby. Tom took me to the check-in desk and I was rushed to the front of the line. I asked Tom why we were rushed to the front and he said, "because... you're a foreigner."

I didn't complain.

Upon entering our area of the hospital, we were each given surgical masks. Tom escorted me to the "blood giving" line and the "pee sample" booth. After receiving my results, we were asked to wait in line for another doctor. I had been practicing how to say asthma "xiaochuan" and bronchitis "zhiqi guanyan", but to my surprise, my doctor spoke adequate English.

I told him that I had a cold all week but that my cough had started to develop and was worsening each moment. He listened to my lungs and looked at my chart.

Tom stood next to me as I tried to convey each symptom to the doctor. I made sure that he knew what I was allergic to and that I had asthma. He asked Tom a few questions and then turned to me.

"What color is your cough?" he asked.

"Green."

"You have virus," he said.

"No I don't. Zhiqi guanyan. I have bronchitis." I said most adamantly.

"No, white blood cells normal. Just a virus. I prescribe 2 IVs. One today, one tomorrow. Sleep. Drink hot water and this."

He shoved 2 bottles of Chinese medicine into my hands.

We were then sent to the IV room where they hooked me up to a glucose/sodium chloride drip with a shot of something else inside. Tom didn't know what was in the shot, but after seeing my voracious appetite and unbelievable strength, I'm sure that it was a shot of Prednisone.

I love Prednisone.

They needed another "pee sample" after about 1/2 of my IV was completed. After returning with the results, Tom spoke briefly with the doctor.

He turned to me with a grave look in his eyes (which was all I could see because of the surgical mask).

"I'm sorry, Abbie. It's bad news. Your blood is mutating. You are turning into a zombie. We're going to have to kill you." Tom said.

I appreciate his attempt to bring levity to the situation, but that was the last thing I wanted to hear while sitting in a hospital in the country where SARS originated.

"Thanks, Tom." I said. "Don't forget to aim for the brains."

I returned to the hospital yesterday for another round of IVs and another shot. I really really hope this is the last time I ever have to see the inside of a Chinese hospital.

However, I am amazed by the treatment I received. The cost of 2 hospital visits equals about $45. My doctors were attentive and extremely knowledgable. The facilities left much to be desired, but I survived.

My breathing is much clearer.

I partly give credit to the bottles of Chinese medicine the doctor gave to me. I have no idea what is inside of them, but it tastes like motor oil, ginger, cranberries, and lotus root. In any case, it has cured my cough and given me a great amount of energy.

"Ting hao de" = Marvelous/Wonderful/Very good

My favorite weather has finally arrived in China. In my eyes, nothing is better than a cold, rainy, fall day. I love the change of seasons and how the fallen leaves find themselves glued to every surface. I love running through puddles and shielding myself from the pouring rain.

This morning, I readied myself for the elements with my boots, umbrella, and waterproof jacket. I crossed the bridge and waved to an oncoming taxi.

He slammed on his brakes and drove into a giant puddle.

I was drenched.

"Xie Xie." I dryly said to my driver as I got into the taxi.

"So sorry! so sorry!" he shouted.

On the days that I teach at the hotel, I usually just flag a taxi down, call one of the employees at TEC, and have them tell the cab driver where I need to go. My Mandarin skills are not nearly good enough to instruct a taxi driver how to get to this far off location. Unfortunately, this morning, no one answered their phones.

My driver looked at me and asked where I needed to go.

"Just go straight," I said in muddied Mandarin.

I frantically called Alex who then gave me the number of an employee at the hotel.

"Derrick! I need you to tell the taxi driver where to go."

"Where are you?" He asked.

"I have no idea.... just talk to him."

Derrick and my taxi driver ended up having a 10 minute conversation as he weaved his way in and out of traffic. After hanging up my phone, my driver offered me a cigarette and asked me to clean the back window. We had a nice conversation until my Mandarin skills were bled dry. I told him I was from America and I teach English both at the university and for private companies. He seemed happy with my language skills. We were about a half of an hour away from my destination when he started singing Chinese opera songs to me. Chinese opera, unlike every other opera, is not calming, soothing, or beautiful. The high-pitched tones and squealing verses make my ears hurt. He looked back at me in search of approval.

"Ting hao de," I said, and gave him a thumbs up.

On Mondays, I teach at the university from 8am until 5:40pm with a break in the middle for lunch. For the rest of the week, I spend about two or three days at the hotel training center teaching basic English from 10am until 3pm with an hour-long break for lunch. Even with the minimal teaching schedule, teaching for the hotel has become quite tedious and tiresome. I eagerly await my lunch break.

I shouldn't complain since the hotel provides my lunch, but it's glorified Chinese airplane food. I don't eat that much of it - even though it is customary to eat all that is put in front of you in China.

I was quietly enjoying my lunch today when Vicky, an upper-management hotel employee, joined me. She used to live in Seattle where "the weather is perfect all the time."

"Really?" I questioned.

"Yes. Perfect. Not like this."

I looked out of the window and saw rain, gray skies, and wind - what I though to be typical Seattle weather.

I took another bite of my lunch. Vicky looked at me with amazement.

"Your chopstick skills are very good."

"Yeah. Lots of practice, I guess."

"And your food? Do you like it?"

"Yeah, actually, it's very good today." I said as I put another bite of what I thought was chicken into my mouth.

"Really? Most westerners don't eat that. They think it's gross."

My mind was racing. "Did I just eat dog? What IS THIS?" I frantically thought to myself.

I set my chopsticks down.

"Oh, well... what is it?" I calmly inquired.

"Oh... it's... hmmm.... I don't know what you would call it. It's from a pig though."

"Ting hao de...." I said.

After work, I took a cab downtown for a warm cup of tea and dinner. I sat alone at one of my favorite restaurants. A group of three young adults sat across the aisle from me. As they giggled and spoke intermittent English I couldn't help but feel self-conscious. Their giggles were often preceded by finger-pointing in my direction. I'm used to the staring by now, but with my increasing understanding of the Mandarin language I find myself understanding conversations I wished that I did not. They were making fun of me.

I focused on my book and was determined to enjoy my warm bowl of curry. As soon as I finished, I hailed the nearest waiter and handed him my money. The three young adults had also just finished their coffees and handed their money to the waiter as well.

He returned with my change. Well, he returned with part of my change. I counted my money and noticed that he only handed me 64rmb when I should have received 75rmb.

He had clearly switched my bill with the three people sitting across from me - an understandable mistake to make in a busy restaurant.

However, as I waved the waiter over to settle the mistake, the three young adults realized their good fortune, quickly grabbed their belongings, and ran out of the door leaving me 11rmb short.

(11rmb roughly equals $2)

I couldn't help but laugh at my misfortune.

Tomorrow is the Mid-Autumn Festival. I have been invited to a friend's house for dinner. It is a holiday roughly equated to Thanksgiving (but without the pumpkin pie). It is a celebration of family, friends, good-fortune, and the new season.

I am excited to share this holiday with some close friends. Even after days like today, I find myself blessed to feel a familial type of support from those around me.

moon cakes

My inability to find any semblance of peace when things start to take a turn for the worse is a trait that I wish to rid myself of.

The issues that have been bothering me are really quite irrelevant at this point. I just wish that I could slow down, take a second, and put all of my issues into a more realistic perspective.

I fought with the school (yet again) about my internet, passport, and salary.

"Patrick, can I pick up my passport today?"

"I don't know where it is."

"I gave it to you to get my visa renewed 2 weeks ago."

"Oh, I gave it to someone else."

"Okay, well what about my salary?"

"You have to get that from someone else, too."

I stormed out of his office. Before the door slammed behind me, I yelled, "My internet still isn't working so I guess I'll get someone else to handle that, too!"

A few hours later I received my salary from Christina. After shoving a wad of cash into my purse, Christina shoved two small boxes into my hands.

"Here, take these. Moon cakes."

September 22nd is the Mid-Autumn Festival. I think I'll like this holiday. They celebrate by eating mini cakes.

I start working for TEC again tomorrow. I am meeting Alex at the subway station in the morning. From there, we will meet up with the other teachers outside of the TEC building and head to the HuaCheng Hotel. TEC has just won a contract teaching English to the employees of this new hotel. Tomorrow is our first day and we will be giving the employees placement tests to see what their level of English is.

Honestly, it all sounds a bit boring. I'm not very excited about interviewing hundreds of Chinese people and grading their English skills. However, I'm excited about this new teaching opportunity.

Last night, Cathy and I had dinner together. As we rode the subway back home, we talked about what an interesting life we lead. Neither one of us thought that we'd ever become English teachers in a foreign country. We did not go to college for this life.

But, for some strange reason, we found ourselves here. We talked about the various personalities we've come across and just how perfectly individual each person is. You'd think that in a country of 1.3 billion people you'd come across a few that were eerily similar. This is not the case. So, I am looking forward to meeting new people. I am looking forward to helping them with their English. I am looking forward to seeing life through yet another set of eyes.

basic necessities

I have always said that without the internet, living away from home would be pretty unbearable.

Currently, I am on day 4 without the internet. The school is undergoing a tremendous amount of construction which is the cause for the majority of these issues. However, it seems that I am the only person in our building without the ability to connect to the internet at this time.

Yesterday I called Patrick, one of my contacts at the school that speaks adequate English, and told him that I was unable to get online. He reminded me that it was Saturday and said, "I do not work on Saturdays. You must wait until Monday for me to help you."

It is a constant struggle with the school administration. Questions are continually deferred to other people.

Last week, I emailed Christina (another school contact) asking her where my classroom was located. Her response was "I cannot answer your question. Please email Grace."

Not only am I sure the Christina knows where my classroom is located, but Grace's desk is about 2 feet to the left of Christina's.

Like I said, it is a constant struggle.

My first day of teaching was wonderful; however, I worry that the large classroom sizes are going to cause a great amount of difficulty for me. I teach 4 classes with over 30 students in each.

After teaching, I had a lovely dinner with Alex, John, Jim, and Alex's girlfriend, Maggie. We celebrated my birthday and had a wonderful time catching up about our classes and summertime experiences.

My birthday cake and a lovely can of PBR.

Even with all of these difficulties I have been encountering over the past few weeks, I am still happy that I have returned. I had been greatly regretting my choice to return to China. After all, there are countless other locations around the globe I would like to spend time in, but I am glad that I have been given the opportunity to understand this culture more thoroughly. I still feel like I have so much to learn.

My Return.

After a mind-altering journey across China, a tour through Tibet (which I'm sure I will expound upon in the future), and an all too short visit home... I am back in Tianjin.

Two days before moving back to the states, I had an interview with the Tianjin University of Science and Technology and was offered a job teaching an English writing course. Luckily, I am only about a 20 minute walk from my old campus and have been able to keep in contact with everyone.

Parting ways with my family was much harder than my previous journey. My first few days here were terribly difficult, but now that I'm more adapted to my surroundings I'm feeling much more at ease with my decision to return for another semester.

My dear friend, Leah, just left after a week-long visit. We spent a few days in Beijing and then came back to Tianjin for the remainder of her stay. It was wonderful having her around. I had been regretting my decision to return to this area while there are so many other opportunities for teaching around the world. Leah's presence allowed me to see this country from a fresh perspective - I really have a lot more to learn and experience. Living in a foreign country is a remarkable opportunity that I hope to take full advantage of..

Classes start tomorrow. I am quite excited to see what new experiences lay ahead for me within the next few months.

On a side note: Tibet was the most eye-opening, awe-inspiring, breathtakingly beautiful experience of my life. I have just received an email from my tour guide asking me to visit him again in the near future. The happiness I feel from completing one of my biggest life goals and from experiencing such a wonderfully unique culture is unparalleled in everything else I have experienced. On the morning of June 26th, I woke up at the base of Mount Everest in a tent that was owned by local Tibetans. They cooked me a humble breakfast and filled my glass with strong coffee. We laughed together as we spoke about the mind-numbing feeling of being over 18,000 feet above sea level. I felt the purest joy imaginable.

Each evening I wrote ad nauseum. I will try to retell some of my experiences throughout the future and apologize for my poor upkeep of this site.

June 25th, 2010. Mt. Everest Base Camp. 18,192ft.

Tibet.

Day01(June19): take train from Beijing to Lhasa

Day02(June20): on the train

Day03(June21): Arrive in Lhasa

When you arrive in Lhasa, meet our local staff at the train station, they will hold you name waiting for you at exit, send you to your hotel for rest.(adapt to Mountain sickness)

Day04(June22): Sight-seeing in Lhasa city.

Visit Potala palace in the morning, visit Jokhang temple in the afternoon, walk around Barkor Street. Overnight in Lhasa.

Day05(June23): Lhasa-Namtso-Lhasa

You will have a chance to see Nyenchen Thanglha snow mountain ranges, and pass the Nagela. Namtso Lake is the sky lake which is one of the three holy lakes in Tibet, also the highest salt lake.You can do a little hiking around. On the way back, you can have hot-spring at Yangbachen if you like.

Day06(June24): Lhasa/Yamdrok lake/Gyanstse/Shigatse

Pass Gangbala Pass which is over 5000m, from there you will see Lake Yamdrok (40RMB/p) which is one of the three holy lakes in Tibet . Then drive back to Qushui, along Nepal friendship way to Gyantse, visit the famous Kumpum stupa in Gyantse. Then arrive in Shigatse Overnight at Shigatse.

Day07(June25): Shigatse- Shegar –Rongbuk(Everest Base Camp)

In the morning drive to Rongbuk, which is the highest temple in the world. In the afternoon we walk 7 km to the Base Camp and do some sightseeing there. Walking or drive by horse vehicle to Rongbuk. Overnight at Rongbuk guesthouse (dorm beds ) or EBC(dorm beds).

Day08(June26): E.B.C-Shigatse

If you are lucky enough, you will see sunrise at Everest base camp. Late morning start driving back to Shigatse. Overnight at Shigatse.

Day09(June27): Shigatse-Lhasa

Morning visit the Bachen Lama which was Built in 1447 by the first Dalai Lama. Then the spectacular tombs of Panchen Lamas. Afternoon drive back to Lhasa along Yarlong Tsangpo river by the Nepal friendship road. Overnight at Lhasa.

Day10(June28): Leave Lhasa

Flight leaves Lhasa airport and arrives in Beijing at 9pm.

I have a new boyfriend. I think his name is Mike

I can remember watching the 1994 World Cup with my brother. We were living in Canal Fulton at that time. Josh was old enough to take care of the both of us during the summer, so we were home instead of at our babysitter's house. As children, our parents enrolled us in a summer soccer league called NJSL (Northwest Jackson Soccer League). I admired Josh and all of his team mates. But that summer, we spent our days and nights admiring players like Alexei Lalas and Cobie Jones.

Last Saturday, I met up with a few friends at a new bar/restaurant downtown called Hannah's. It's a cajun bar run by an American born Chinese man named Jack. He has six restaurants in the States and just one in China. Alex, naturally, was rooting for England while Holly, myself, Jack, and a few random expats were rooting for the US. Deep down, I knew that the US was destined for defeat, but I was still excited to watch the match with my new-found friends.

We arrived at the bar at 10:30. Due to the time difference, the USA/England match did not start until 2:30 in the morning. This left us with ample time to ready ourselves for the match ahead.

As kickoff was approaching, the bar began to fill with more British expats. They fulfilled every stereotype I had about British soccer fans and alcohol. Holly and I tried to make up cheers and chants to sing louder than them, but we could only think of the Star Spangled Banner and Born in the USA. We got into heated discussions about the Revolutionary War, War of 1812, and King George. After all, America is undefeated against England in all wars.

A few minutes into the first half, England scored. Holly and I were quieted by their cheers and laughter. With their team winning, the Brits became happier and happier. Holly and I found ourselves with two boys named Richie and Mike (I think). They are from Liverpool and work for AirBus. They thought we were the most beautiful girls they had seen in China since arriving a few months ago. We laughed at their blatant pick-up lines throughout the rest of the game.

Then, America scored.

Holly and I were deserted on one side of the bar while our new friends Mike(?) and Richie commiserated with their cohorts on the other side. After the first half ended, we met back up with our friends. Richie has been to America once. He drove across Route 66 with a few friends. Mike(?) had been to Florida and hated every minute of it.

I told him I had been to Florida as a teenager and hated every minute of it, too.

He told me that we had a lot in common and we should get married.

I laughed.

We hardly watched the second half of the game. Instead, we tried to speak with our two new friends. Being from Liverpool, their accents are much different from Alex's. I asked Alex to help me translate what Mike(?) was saying and even Alex didn't understand.

Mike(?) seems harmless and quite funny. But, I could be wrong. His accent is so hard to understand.

Thankfully, the game ended in a tie. The Brits were quite pompous about their team before the game, so it was nice to see them humbled a little bit. We exchanged phone numbers with our friends and left the bar at 5am. The sunrise in Tianjin is beautiful.

This Friday, we're meeting up at Hannah's yet again. Our new friends will join us. I am very excited.

__________________________

I had quite a disappointing meeting with Apollo yesterday. He thinks that my only hope for teaching here in the fall is to work for an English school - not a university. I would much rather work at a university, so I'm going to continue looking on my own.

I've been contemplating my future with great fervor lately. I refuse to limit my immediate future to China. There is so much more of the world that I would like to experience. South America? Africa? Who knows...

I am at such peace with my future. This has been the best decision of my life.

Adulthood.

I feel as though I have not been very candid to others about my battle with depression. Quite accordingly, it started after my father passed away and was only reinforced after the passing of my grandmother and a very close friend. After their passing, I saw depression as my eternal burden. It was something that I could not rid myself of. I felt destined for a lifetime of sadness.

However, a few years ago, I experienced love for the first time. The happiness it gave me brought up surprising feelings of guilt. Happiness was a foreign feeling to me; I felt like I was denying my late father by feeling the euphoria of love.

That relationship ended in the rawest of heartache. I fear that the cliches surrounding break-ups deny so many of the horrendous feelings we all go through. It was a tragic occurrence that I am thankful to have experienced.

Without everything that has happened in my past, I would not be here - sitting in a Starbucks on Ying Kou Dao in Tianjin, China during the Dragon Boat Festival holiday with plans of watching the World Cup with friends that I feel closer to than most I have in America.

_____________________

Last week the six of us went to our favorite dumpling restaurant for dinner. It would be the last time we would all sit around a table together. The semester has ended and we're all going off in different directions. I have grown especially close to two of the other teachers, Alex and Cathy. Alex is from London, England. He originally came to Tianjin to pursue Wu Shu (Kung Fu) and taught in order to retain his residency. Cathy is from the Philippines and has taught in Tianjin the longest out of all of the teachers. I refer to Alex as my GeGe or "older brother". He is a great friend and someone that I'm going to miss very deeply.

Not pictured are John and Jim. John is the only other American besides Jen and myself. He lives across the hall from me and I've grown quite fond of his company. His outlook on life in China always brings a smile to my face. Jim is Canadian and older than the rest of us. He teaches at another campus about an hour away from our dormitories, so I don't see much of him. It was a lovely evening of retrospect and story-telling.

I can remember sitting at a bar with a friend before I left for China in February. I was more than full of trepidation - I was completely regretting my decision to move. I didn't want to leave my friends and family back home. I didn't want to leave everything I knew behind. My friend laughed at me and said, "Come July, you'll be dreading that flight back to America. You won't want to come back here."

I knew he was right. I knew that the decision I had made to move here would prove rewarding. I signed that contract to feel independent again. I wanted to experience something new.

I've been thinking a lot about adulthood lately. I never saw myself as an adult until I moved here. I never felt purely independent. I always had a backup plan. I always had somewhere to retreat. Living in a foreign country gives you a sense of danger that is unimaginably powerful. Independence is intoxicating.

I've been toying with the idea of returning to Tianjin after spending the summer holiday in America. Just a few weeks ago, I was certain that my time was up - I needed to go home.

Tonight, I'm meeting with Apollo. He is an intermediary between English departments in Tianjin and teachers. He is attempting to find me a new job so that I may return in September to teach another term.

Insomnia, Dumplings, and Dread

Even as a child, I'd lay awake at all hours of the night. Helpless, I'd count to 1,000 and back until I fell asleep. This most recent attack has made me feel fully and completely exhausted, but my mind will not slow down. I have tried everything. I stop using my computer at least an hour before I want to fall asleep, I have completely eradicated any caffeine intake, I try to journal all of my errant thoughts before attempting sleep. But, even with all of my efforts, I still cannot sleep.

I have just returned from a wonderful evening with friends. Tom invited a few of us over for dinner tonight. He cooked many varieties of food, but my favorite were the egg dumplings. If Tom plays his cards right, I'll marry him for those dumplings.

I feel completely content. My language skills still need a lot of work, but I'm comfortable venturing out on my own. My homesickness is almost non-existent. I just crave a really good waffle, a cup of coffee, the New York Times, and my porch.

Honestly, I'm dreading the return home. I am so excited to see my family and my dogs, but I will miss so much about this country. I will miss the friends I have made. We are a family.

I have been applying for various jobs back in Ohio for my return. Also, I've been researching graduate schools for my next foray into the educational system. I know what I want to do and it seems like I'll either be moving to California or NYC.

P.S. Buy the new Black Keys album. It makes me proud to be from Ohio.... amongst many other things.

A Senseless Plan

I went to a birthday party for some friends I've met here on campus last night. Part-way through the evening, a guy approached me. "You're from Ohio, huh?"

I was caught off-guard. He was Asian, yet spoke perfect English.

"Yep. I've never seen you before," I said.

"Oh my name is Brian. I'm here on a 3-week study-abroad program from UCSD. Can I ask you a question?"

"Sure...."

"I've only been here 2 weeks so far and I'm so unbelievably homesick. How do you do it?"

Jen gave me a book the day I arrived called Survival Kit for Overseas Living: For Americans planning to live and work abroad. The book gives a multitude of solutions for dealing with culture shock. Most notably, exploring. I've never been this busy in my life, and I absolutely love it.

Last weekend, Jen and I took a tour of the city sponsored by the university. We were transported to a central location and met up with about 50 other white people from various universities around the city. Sitting on the bus as we traveled from site to site was difficult. While I enjoyed the tour, I was annoyed that I understood what people were saying. Their conversations were aggravating. Their voices were so loud.

I have become extremely content living within my own language barrier.

While culture shock is related to homesickness, I believe that they can be (and have been, in my situation) mutually exclusive. Other than my mother, I've distanced myself from everyone back home. I haven't written emails to friends or family in months. Above everything else I have tried, this distance has helped me deal with my homesickness more than anything else.

However helpful this senseless plan has been, I faltered a bit tonight. By keeping my communications at a minimum, I've been keeping a lot of emotions inside. I had dinner with Alex and Jen downtown tonight. We sat outside and talked at great lengths about our families. I told them about my brother and how much I miss him - how I honestly feel that he is my best friend - how happy I am that he's found such pure love - how I admire his life and miss his companionship.

After returning home from dinner, I cried for the first time in weeks.

With only a few weeks left, I'm trying to fill my calendar with as many experiences as possible (Tibet). I hope to return here in the future. If I don't return, I want know that I didn't waste any time while living abroad.

I told Brian that I've cut off most communication with home. I've spent my free time exploring every location possible. "It's sad, but you have to forget your home. You have to live here. You have to experience this. Don't think of home. Don't let your mind go there. You're here."

Each friend I spoke to, each email, each message took me 6,000 miles away from here. I stopped living in China and only counted the days until I returned home. I forgot why I came here. Living in this moment has helped me put the entirety of this situation into focus.

I'm going to miss China.

We were discussing life this week in class. What is life? What are the basic necessities of life? I asked them to give me the 5 most important things in life in order.

Health. Food. Family. Friendship. Money.

I asked them to explain each choice and and their position in the list. Why is family more important than friendship? Why isn't money the most important thing in life?

Most importantly, out of each of my classes no one put love in their top five. A student tried to explain why, "We need health to live. We need food to live. Family and friends are life. Money? Money is a necessary evil. Love? You can live without love. You cannot love without life."

I love how complex thoughts in my mind are so simple in their minds. I love their outlook on life and love and beauty and happiness. I am really going to miss teaching. I cannot believe I only have 43 days left here.

______________________

A few years ago I made a list of places I want to see before I die. It was the summer before my senior year of college and I was totally alone. I was left behind after a catastrophic break-up. My best friend (Jen) had graduated and moved away. I lived alone for the first time. Out of this loneliness I felt an undefined strength to accomplish anything and this list clearly reflects that untouchable feeling. I have often laughed at the extensive list I have compiled, but recently I have come to the realization that dreams are nothing without action.

I will finally be able to cross a location off of my list.

I will be taking a train across the majority of China next month that will drop me off in Lhasa, Tibet.

The entire train trip will take about two days. I will spend the next 8 days in Lhasa (former home of the Dalai Lama), Gyantse, Shigatse, Shegar, and Rongbuk. On the morning of June 26th, I will wake up to the sunrise over Mount Everest from base camp.

May 10, 1998

He died at an integral part of my life that left me with just enough memories to miss him and few enough to feel cheated. I often wonder what he'd think of me now. My dream is to sip coffee and play chess with my father.

I have found great peace in knowing that I am my his legacy. He was a man of few but passionate words; his actions were immeasurable.

Over the past 12 years, my longing for a father has not faded. My loss is inescapable. However, the pain I have felt is subsiding. I never would have thought that this whole process would have taken this long.

I used to struggle with the desire to make him proud of me. Without knowing - without seeing his face, there was no way to know if what I was doing with my life made him proud. I pushed myself further than I had felt capable, all to make him happy.

I am proud of my decisions, so far. I have few regrets and have full belief that every experience has made me a better person. I have a lot to work on, but I'm getting close. I don't struggle with making him proud anymore. I struggle with finding my own path in life.

I have a strange sense of peace in knowing that my father will always impact my life. Every decision I make will somehow have his imprint. I am my father's daughter.